The Cards We Are Dealt
Each of us has facts of our existence – genetic factors, biological factors, a place of birth, an era we were born in, a country, culture, and ethnicity, that are unchangeable influences in our lives. Luck of the draw. When, where, and how we were born and to whom is beyond our control – not our fault, or our choosing.
How We See the Cards We Are Given
How we view the circumstances of our lives or the cards we are given is influenced by personality, personal psychology, and resilience factors. Preferences, tendencies, and predispositions to view challenges as hardship, distress, or opportunity create personal narratives that inform how we interact with our experiences. Are things happening to me, alongside me, because of me, or just happening? After the cards are dealt - what level of agency do I have?
Our History of Playing Cards, Wins, Losses, and the Rules of the Game
Our interactions with our family of origin, influential people in our youth, like teachers, mentors, or other behavior models, demonstrate important information about hierarchies, power, rules, roles, and consequences. We learn to communicate and how to behave in conflict. The strategies we learn build our perspective of how the world functions. These initial encounters with authority, rules, and how they are enforced teach information about boundaries and the limits between ourselves and others. Are we allowed to take our winnings, fair and square? Are we always expected to win? Do rules apply differently at different times? What happens when rules are broken?
What We Expect from the World and Others based on what we have Learned
We carry the context of our experiences, everything we have learned about ourselves, others, and the world, into our present-day interactions, and this viewpoint becomes our expectation about how we will be treated, how others will respond in kind to us, and what will happen next. We use the data from OUR experiences and apply it to entirely new people – people who have their own set of data from their experiences. Miscommunication often happens because most people do not share the exact same set of original experiences and, therefore, do not share the same predictive perspective.